The Manhattanville Monthly

October 21st, 2009

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There have been some exciting developments in the past weeks here at Manhattanville College. Let's turn to our lead report, C.M. Alodia Smalls for the full report.

"Last weekend, our correspondent, who wishes to remain anonymous, went through a terrifying ordeal while attempting to visit her better half at Hampshire College. After arriving at the bus station at three in the morning, the young woman discovered the ticket counter was closed, and would not open in time for her to buy her ticket to Amherst. For a few horrifying few minutes she was trapped, stranded in the large city of White Plains; the school provide bus had driven off without her. She was saved by a taxi, who agreed to take her back to the college despite the time. However, come to find out there was a discretion in the form of payment, causing the young woman to have to be ESCORTED by CAMPUS SECURITY to the local A.T.M. The young lady was thankfully able to return safely to her room at nearly four in the morning, after having a humiliating walk of shame down the halls of Spellman's third floor.

The following Monday, a rising starlet here at Manhattanville College handed in a story to her Creative Writing class. "I'm not usually proud of my work," the woman says, in a very private interview. "but this is something I think I excelled at. I was really aiming to capture the imagery, and putting the reader into the story." the story follows a young teenage boy living in the ghetto of Phoenix home, where he comes face to face with his deadbeat parents. He narrowly escapes the wrath of his abusive father, with little help from his mindless mother.

Tuesday, the Freshman Seminar 'To Be Human' class was cancelled, leaving several students on campus free all afternoon and evening. The same day, the course Theory of Knowledge took their midterm exam. The exam was simply this - to sign a piece of paper that was passed around, with your name and stating you had participated in class. One girl, a short, spunky brunette, stated, "I love college!" The students also learned that class was to be cancelled on Friday. They had previously been scheduled to take an actual test that day, but the teacher was called away to a meeting and was unable to find a proctor.

Late this afternoon, the students of the class Politics and Religion in Ireland learned that their class had been cancelled - for the third week in a row. Due to the 'Backpack to Briefcase' program being put on for the senior class, only three of the students had planned on attending class, and the Professor found it useless.

In the coming weeks:

a small group of students, including roommates Chelsea Linehan and N'Jeri Agyeman, and cousins Fabiannie and Alexandra Paulino have decided to head into White Plains Thursday night in the hopes of getting Halloween costumes.

Saturday is Manhattanville's 'Fall Fest' featuring food, prizes, face painting, henna tattoos, games and more. Many students are excited and plan on dressing for their theme: 'Dress in Flannel for Fall Fest'.

Sunday night, the college is holding a 'Haunted Castle Tour' from 7 p.m. - midnight for five dollars. This should be a popular event and many students plan on attending.

The coming week looks calm and uneventful, but most know here at Manhattanville any day is not uneventful. The next weekend is Halloween, and while it has not been decided on definitely, it is assumed that a party of some sort will take place in which the students will attend. Unfortunately for a few particular students, this means no trick-or-treating, and hence no candy. Cape Codders Blake Tower and Dylan Buotte have discussed their plans in coming to visit a fellow friend here at Manhattanville for the Halloween weekend, though this is could be considered a doubtful event.

Until next month, C.M. Alodia Smalls, signing off."

Thank you very much Alodia! We hope you have enjoyed this month's edition of Manhattanville Monthly.

Comments? Concerns? Questions? Please email wedontgiveahoot@nowhere.com

C.E.O: Anon E. Mouse

Editor In Chief: No Onep Articular

Staff Reporter: C.M. Alodia Smalls